Whoever you are, wherever you are, HOLD ON.

A couple of months ago I had a short interview with a close family friend who was writing a book on healing after painful experiences. He wanted to know how long it took for me to be healed and how I went about reaching that place of healing.  My response was something like this:

I can’t really put a number on it.  I’d love to think that I am 100% healed from x, y, and z, but the truth of the matter is, maybe just x and y…or honestly, maybe 80% of all three ha.  I don’t know.  Once you think you’re good, you undergo spontaneous triggers by something big or small…a month later…a year later…maybe even 3 years later (to each it’s own).

These triggers remind you, and may leave you disappointed or annoyed by the realization that dang, there’s still residue.  Dang.  There is still some healing, maybe even lots of healing left to be done.  In my experience, from one trigger to the next, disappointment came when I misunderstood what not being completely healed really meant.  I thought it was bad, but now I know that when you are willing to heal, the fact that you are not completely healed of something simply means that God isn’t done, not that we aren’t ready for ____________.  So, if you’re triggered by something that reminds you that you still need grace and humility, and reminds you that you’re still a human who needs God, then good!  We were created to need Him.  You are not delayed in meeting, reaching, or receiving what God has for you.  That my friend, is a lie from the enemy!

rootsOne must get uncomfortable enough to deal with the roots.  One must  get uncomfortable enough to allow God to dig beneath the messy surface where the beginning of your issues and pain lie.

In order to heal properly, you have to deal (with the pain) properly.” – Nu 

If you’re on the path to healing, then you know that you get those full circle, déjà vu, divine do-over moments when _____________________ happens again.  Except this time it doesn’t make you angry, it doesn’t make you cry, and it shockingly doesn’t affect you the way it has in the past.  You figuratively (or literally if you’re like me) leap in joy at the felt sense of accomplishment that you have finally, at last have been stamped by the Lord as “Healed!”.  Not!

I believe us earthlings (ha!) are never completely healed of any worldly ailments until we leave this world and enter into our true destination…Heaven.  Ahhh…The beautiful place of no pain, sorrow, or frustration…just love and fruits – my fave! ;-)  We should know though, that while here on earth…


“…neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39 (NIV)

I am convinced that healing is ongoing and not to be consistently associated with readiness for something new.  God is not a God that withholds good things from people who love and obey Him.

“For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor. No good thing does he withhold from those who walk uprightly.” – Psalm 84:11 (ESV)

Whoever you are, wherever you are, HOLD ON.  You may not be 100% healed from x, y, and z, I don’t know, but we should certainly celebrate the fact that we’re making progress.  My heart personally smiles when I understand me better than I did yesterday.  It gives me a better shot at understanding you.  By faith I am healed, today, tomorrow, and forever.  I am pleased with me and He, from whom my help comes…as should you.  So stay blessed, be encouraged, and HOLD ON!  Love you.


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SALVATION on repeat.

“For The Lord takes pleasure in his people; he adorns the humble with salvation.” – Psalm 149:4

I was maybe 10 years old when the teaching of my parents transformed into truth for me.  “I got saved”, or accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior and professed that I have come to believe in Him.  I believe He was who the bible said He was and that because He is, I am.  Baptism quickly followed, and communion became a sanctified practice.  Today, the more I grow in the Lord, the more profound his revelations are (and I realize I’ve known nothing lol), and the more I come to realize that salvation isn’t a one time thing.  I don’t know about you, but I want more of Him, I want to be made whole, I want to be healed, I want to be right in His sight, I want Him to look at me and not help but crack a smile and shake his head like, “That’s my girl!”.  I want to be faithful unto Him.

Salvation in my life is on repeat.  Every single time I experience God’s love through His ever so sufficient grace, boom…I’m saved yet, again!  Every single time I repent, boom, there goes my favorite jam!  (ha!)  Every single time he corrects, chastens, and loves me, BOOM!  It’s easier to love someone who in your eyes doesn’t deserve it when you think about how God doesn’t withhold a drop of his love for you.  There’s nothing that we could do or not do to make him stop.  Gosh, that’s amazing! Hellooo..is this mic on? lol

My heart is full of gratitude.  I never knew there was a love like this before. I can honestly say that I know, that I know, that I know, that Jesus’ blood was shed for ME. I know, that I know, that I know, that Jesus is mine. I am here for His delight and find delight in that truth!  What an honor to be called His.  What an honor to work for Him.  What an honor to perform on a daily basis, worshipping in all we do.  What an honor!

“My beloved is mine, and I am His…” – Song of Songs 2:16

I heard this beautiful song at church last week and my spirit can’t stop singing and dancing to it.  I’ve been singing it in the shower, the hallways, the car, you name it.  I thought I’d share it with you today. Have a fabulous weekend enjoying Him!

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My greatest commission.

“And he said to them, ‘Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.’” – Mark 16:15 (ESV)

Great-Seal-of-California-GoldI recently became a notary public for the State of California (Woot! Woot!).  In a nut shell, what we do is legally serve the public (without offering legal advice), but mostly by signing and stamping documents with an official seal that pretty much makes them legit with the state to be used in court, or life, or whatever.  That’s the “Nu” version.

Ever since I found out that a “commission” is what I was to receive from the Secretary of State before I could perform notarial duties, I was intrigued by the word.  I looked it up and laughed.  It was like an inside joke between God and I.

I liked these below:

  1.  an instruction, command, or duty given to a person or group of people.
  2. a group of people officially charged with a particular function.
  1. give an order for or authorize the production of (something such as a building, piece of equipment, or work of art).
  2. bring (something newly produced, such as a factory or machine) into working condition.

goodnewsI realized that this commission to serve the public in the natural was yes, something ordained by the State of California, but my greatest commission and high calling to go out and proclaim the gospel and spread the love of Christ in this hurting and dying world is far more valuable. I am grateful for the God-given revelation in this parallel and for the opportunity to serve Him in serving you, His people.  That, my friends is our greatest commission and we can expect a great reward in Heaven.  I don’t take my birth lightly, nor more duty following.  I heard Dr. Tim Storey say once that, “You’re a big deal” and I agree.  God does so much, and allows us as individual believers to go through so much…for just one sometimes.  What an honor to serve you, to teach you…what an honor to love you and prepare you (and me) for the Kingdom!

16 For if I preach the gospel, that gives me no ground for boasting. For necessity is laid upon me. Woe to me if I do not preach the gospel! 17 For if I do this of my own will, I have a reward, but if not of my own will, I am still entrusted with a stewardship. 18 What then is my reward? That in my preaching I may present the gospel free of charge, so as not to make full use of my right in the gospel.

19 For though I am free from all, I have made myself a servant to all, that I might win more of them.

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Man, It’s like deja vu…

I received some bittersweet news today that challenged my thoughts and plans.  My commute home from work is about an hour.  But today, that was a pretty lonnng hour.  But hey hey hey (in my Fat Albert voice)…It’s Friiiday!

Ahh…the truth!  The truth is interesting.  It’s like that one person you meet that you really aren’t initially fond of, but then sooner or later you end up loving them to pieces and you’re like, “Shout out to [insert name here]!!, they’re the realest person I know! #RealTalk”  Haha right.  Gotta love the truth.

But yea, today I received a big life altering truth (again) which placed a ginormous ball in my court.  To bounce or not to bounce? That is the question.  No really, that IS the question! ha.  What makes the decision process easy is knowing what I need to do.  What makes it hard is…well, fear, and not knowing what happens after I do it.

“For ye have not received the spirit of bondage again to fear; but ye have received the Spirit of adoption, whereby we cry, Abba, Father.” – Romans 8:15

“Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free, and be not entangled again with the yoke of bondage. – Galations 5:1

That word entangled literally makes me want to scream…”Noooo!!” and run for my life.  I kind of do that lol.  All jokes aside though, This is what I know — It is impossible to stand firm when you do not know what you are standing for.  We all need a foundation from which we will continue to grow.  If you do not have a firm foundation, it is my prayer that the Lord helps you establish one.

Depending on the circumstance, sometimes when you disagree with something strongly, with special regard to faith, there is action required of you that supports that very disagreement.  Sometimes when you disagree with something strongly, you need to just trust God, pick up your mat, and walk (Read: John 5).  Now you should already know that people are going to think, talk, and all of that junk.  My advice: Smile while you’re walking :)

As we get older, picking up our mat and walking becomes easier said than done.  Some of us are dragging our mats lol.  We weigh decisions, discuss decisions, we weigh them again, we buy a new scale, we pray about them, we sleep on them…yada yada yada.  You get me.  All of that is great when you are genuinely unsure about what the right one is.  When you know, you know.  It’s when we deceive ourselves and have to constantly convince ourselves that we’re making the right one is when there is an issue.  I jokingly shared with a friend the other day, that I seemed to know very well what I wanted as a kid.  My prayers as a kid were simple and straightforward…I didn’t consider him, her, them, that…nope, I was just telling God how I felt, what I thought, and what I wanted.  I’m nearly 27 years old, and I’m having aha moments as I see answers of prayers from my childhood come to pass and confirm after all this time, and all of these experiences, what I’ve wanted all along.

Today the truth set me free by allowing me to make a decision within my heart that agrees with what I stand for.  Now I am praying for the divine timing, favor, and grace to actively follow that made decision.  I would greatly appreciate your prayers as well.

Ever since I got delivered, I’ve been fighting for my freedom.  Here we go again.  Man, It’s like deja vu…

Dear God,

I ask that you would give me the strength, courage, and wisdom that I need in order to do what is best for me, while bringing you glory.  May you help me to trust and have faith that You, my Abba, Father are establishing all plans that I submit unto you, for great success.  Help me to believe in Your abilities and not worry about my own.  Help me to pick up my mat and walk in confidence – for I am in the secret place of The Most High.  I am made free by the blood of The Lamb, Your Son, and my Lord and Savior.  I believe that I am now becoming disentangled from any spiritual, physical, or emotional ties or webs of bondage.  Thank you for unraveling me and making me free! In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Love you much.


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I danced for the Lord last night.


I danced for the Lord last night.

I don’t know if it was like David,
But I can assure that it was certainly like me

As with strings my arms moved
As on stilts my legs grooved
With my mouth, with my praise
I inevitably set the mood

I danced for the Lord last night.

He smiled
And I smiled back
But our smiles were not crooked
This ain’t that kind of track
It’s a track so narrow yet somehow set perfectly straight
By a King so timely
By a King not late.

Ruler of all
How excellent art Thou!
And this precious time in your presence that I humbly bestow!

I danced for the Lord last night.

A last minute invitation sent
I just really wanted to see Him, I just really wanted to repent.

As usu-al,
He arrived on time
Grace did too,
And yet again,
I was able to call Him mine.

I danced for the Lord last night.

It served my soul well
And made perfect sense
To exalt the very one
For whom all of this is meant!

Charm and grace is deceptive, and beauty is vain [because it is not lasting], but a woman who reverently and worshipfully fears the Lord, she shall be praised! – Proverbs 31:30 (AMP)

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The Fast & Flowers from Heaven.

This morning I woke up feeling great.  It’s fast day for me and the bestie…yes!! Let’s do this.  I was pumped! Untiiil I learned that her hubby would be joining in again.  “Wait, What? Whyyy??” (lol) was my initial thought.  I tell myself I really shouldn’t be upset, this is actually one of your prayers answered for him and her, right?! This growth.  This is great. Right?! Somebody answer lol.  But geesh…I guess I just feel like, she’s already on the other side of the country in a different time zone, we already don’t see each other due to that factor, and we already declared it was our fast! Okay, I know, I’m pouting like a toddler.  But, but…it’s true! I don’t want to share and I don’t understand why she thought it was okay to just kill two birds with one stone.  Is that what this is…Just another task? Is this religious? If it is, then it is time to stop. Those are my feelings, which like Ron Carpenter Jr. says, have no respect for my future.  I’ve really been enjoying his teachings lately. 

I’m reminded that this is what it’s about.  This is my heart’s desires. I may not agree yet with the statement “the more the merrier” in relation to this matter, but I do agree that…

triple-braided-cord“Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” – Ecclesiastes 4:12

When it comes down to it, I’m not really mad.  And, I believe it mostly hurt my feelings because one of my love languages is quality time.  So when a monthly fast is the quality time I look forward to with my best friend who I spend no time with due to our distance, and someone else is added, the quality goes out the window for me and I do not feel valued.  So even though I love her husband and their entire family (which I am an honorary member of, thank you very much), the situation agitates, forcing me to assess, okay, what’s really going on.  This is the perfect example of why we as people need to be honest and in tune with ourselves.  I believe that when you’re honest with yourself, everything in your life benefits from it.

Being the single friend of a married friend is harder than it looks or seems sometimes (and I imagine having a single friend is challenging as well).  Your relationship with your married typically does not take priority over a lot of things (and rightfully so!), and so even though you have a friend, sometimes, your feelings deceive you and say you don’t.  Sometimes. When I get off the phone, it’s back to me.  When they get off the phone, it’s back to them.

So God knew I was a bit down and trying to put my feelings aside and keep my big girl pants on but this shook me up.  Just when I really felt like I needed a bit of extra lovin’, my dad knocks on my door and yells “Surprise!” with a bouquet of flowers from heaven.  God is the sweetest, most amazing man.  I’m grateful that he knows my heart so well, and uses people so well.  I think about a line in Alicia Keys’ song “If I Ain’t Got You”, that sings…”Some people need a dozen roses, and that’s the only way to prove you love them.” That’s definitely not me, but today, those flowers were so timely and full of love that I needed to be reminded of.  Love, that was proven long ago by my Savior on a cross.  I’m not alone. 

So don’t mind if I do throw shade at Satan and sniff my flowers from Heaven all day! I’m fasting and sniffing away. As crazy Mariah on “Married to Medicine” would say…Catch that dirt! Yassss honey!

Love you.



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Naturally Me.

Over the years I’ve been asked so many inquisitive questions about my hair and natural way of living. People want to know when it all started, why it all started, and how I keep it going.  For too long I’ve thought that with all of these naturals sprouting up my story isn’t needed, but I realize that there’s only one me that someone can identify with and that me, is the only one who can tell my story appropriately. Let be start by saying this…

For years African-American women have had complexes about their hair. At young ages we began relaxing (or “perming” — a culturally misused synonymic) our hair to make it more manageable or presentable (whatever that means) to our counterparts. Straight was deemed as better. Hang time a bonus. I began thinking about my hair and realizing that I knew nothing about its natural state. I was the girl constantly relaxing my hair and making appointments to relax everybody elses smh.

While studying Business at SDSU (Woot! Woot!), I took an Africana Studies course to fulfill a prerequisite and quickly fell in love with the subject.  Every day I went to class I felt like I was learning something new about me, and low-key upset with the timing (but it’s all good).  You can imagine how easy it was for that 1 course to turn into 2, 3, 4, 5…and before I knew it, I was minoring in Africana Studies. I developed a strong sense of pride for my heritage, but more importantly, a strong understanding and appreciation for all who have gone before me.  I was disturbed with an overflow of facts.  I was a free-spirit learning the depth of my people’s bondage; my bondage.  I was disturbed that they couldn’t freely be themselves in allll fashions and realized the area of hair was still one lingering.  I wanted to express my freedom and love me, inside and out.  I wanted to know how Nu’s hair looked.  I wanted to know if Nu needed that creamy crack (aka relaxer).  I wanted to show other races who has been in their presence all along, and who’s not leaving.  And so, in 2005, I decided to “go natural”. I didn’t big chop, I just transitioned, straightened, rocked braids, etc…and the struggle was reaaaaal! ;-)

I battled the doubts, the dandruff, the tangles, the breakage all by my lonesome. Then 4 years later, there were others like me, learning their hair and calling it naturally beautiful. I was excited for us all.  But shoot, it’s about time y’all showed up! haha

Most naturals you meet will tell you that once you become serious about your “natural hair journey”, as many will call it, the journey at some point no longer becomes about hair, but about your health.  That same energy is transferred throughout all parts of your life.  If you can stay up late and twist, invest in products to maintain, then maybe you can stay up late and work out that issue with your spouse too.  But I’m just saying!

So yea, that’s pretty much it.  Today, I still can’t braid, I still don’t know it all, and I’m still learning as I go, but I’m free, and enjoying every minute of it, naturally…me.



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